How much food should we offer to our kids? Why we should let children control their portion sizes
“How big should my child’s portion be?”
“Should I give my child seconds? What if they want thirds, or fourths?”
“How much is too much?”
This topic is one that has been prevalent in my practice recently, and I hear this question from clients, teachers, and friends alike.
Parents are often confused about portion size and rightfully so. The nutrition label on products lists portion size, but doesn’t really do a good job at defining what that means. In fact, it doesn’t really mean much. The portion size listed on a food label has nothing to so with the amount you should or shouldn’t be eating. These sizes are arbitrary, and decided by manufacturers, so the measure of the amount of a given nutrient in a certain portion of that food is also, essentially, arbitrary. In fact, there is no right or wrong when it comes to portion size.
Sometimes when I introduce this topic I am met with some resistance. How will my child know how much to eat if I don’t show them what the correct portion size really is? Well guess what: the way to approach this in order for them to develop a healthy relationship with food is that we don’t decide how much a correct portion size is, we let our children decide that for themselves.
Before you stop reading, let me go into more detail.
We want our children to trust their bodies and the food they put into it. Well that means that at times we have to allow them to have unlimited access to foods. The more we try to control, the more they push away. Have you read my post about Halloween candy? In tip #4 I recommend giving them unlimited access to candy the night of Halloween - and the day after!
This unlimited access allows them to be able to trust their internal regulation of food. We want them to grow up trusting their bodies and trusting their intake. I hear so often “I can’t keep ice cream/ cookies/ goldfish at home, if I do, I eat the whole box in one sitting.” By allowing our children to make their own choices when it comes to portion size we can avoid creating the association with food to where it feels “forbidden”. I am also a huge fan of serving meals family style, and allowing children to portion out their own food.
So, here is what I recommend:
Allow your children to have as much as they want of foods, when it makes sense. As I talk about often, the Division of Responsibility is all about parents providing the food and children deciding how much to eat and if they are going to eat the food or not. We provide, they decide. At times, let them have all the goldfish/ cheeze-its/ ice cream/ cookies/ etc/etc. Let them know these foods will be available. We don’t want them to have a “scarcity” mentality, which is what happens with the ice cream example above. If you have ever been on a diet, you probably experienced this same thing, the day before a “sugar-free” diet you may eat a large quantity of products with sugar, because you know you won’t be “allowed” to have them for a while.
Sometimes, it’s okay to only give your child one serving of a food, BUT it’s not because you think they have had too much. When I buy a box of mini ice cream cones from Trader Joe’s (by the way if you haven’t had these they are incredible) I don’t let my kids eat an unlimited amount. Why? Because there are only 8 per box and I want to make sure we save some for another night. Get it? I’m not allowing unlimited because I am saving some its not because I think they have had too much (they are in control of their bodies). This does not only pertain to ice cream cones, but could be used with Goldfish, blueberries and other packaged snacks.
It’s also okay to limit when you are in a family style feeding setting. We also have to make sure there is enough to go around, therefore, we make sure there is enough for everyone. If you are offering a group of children a snack, it’s okay to make sure everyone get’s some before offering seconds. And again, if you don’t want to offer seconds that’s okay, but again, it’s not because you believe a child has had too much, it’s because you are saving the rest.
If you do choose to limit to a single portion (such as a a Trader Joe’s ice cream cone), offer something else for that same opportunity, if practical. See my post on how to use Bedtime Snack to your advantage.
I know it can be helpful to hear the language I use with my own family, so here are some examples:
“Sydney we are having one ice cream cone tonight [met with resistance]. I know aren’t the cones so yummy? I am going to save the rest so we can have them for afternoon snack next week. If you are still hungry, would you like more apple slices?”
“That’s all the apples we are going to have today. We have two left and they are on the menu with lunch for tomorrow. Would you like more crackers or carrots?”
“That’s all the cookies we have [because we are literally out]. Shall we put these on our grocery list and get them the next time we go to the store?”
“I love this cheese too. Tomorrow we are having quesadillas so we need to make sure we have some for that, I am going to save the rest.”
“Sydney, we need to make sure everyone gets some sweet potato fries. If we run out, how about we put them on the menu again for next week?”
Do you see what I am doing here? I hope you get my point. As always, I value your feedback and I may even be able to help your family to reduce mealtime stress - feel free to get in touch to discuss.
